For me chocolate has to be a certain kind. Too sweet and it's off putting, mixed with fruit, okay, but uh chocolate covered raisins or cherries, I'll pass. I am very particular about my chocolate and I'm okay with that. Really, I'm totally good with that. I like what I like and most women do. We know what we like and won't substitute it for anything else. My chocolate cravings like I mentioned earlier ( or did I neglect to?) were out of hand and when I began to turn my life around and change for all things health and fitness I found out some startling things about chocolate; well the sugar in chocolate.
Let's get one thing straight, chocolate is not chocolate until you add sugar to it and milk products. Cocoa on it's own is cocoa and it is disgusting! It's bitter and has no emotional reward what-so-ever. When cocoa is mixed with the essentials such as milk, butter, sugar and what nots ( nuts) then ooooh, that is when it becomes a chocolate sensation women crave. Okay I crave. But back to sugar.
Sugar is the one ingredient that actually affects our brain chemistry in a specific way. Studies have found that sugar reacts within the brain in the same way as narcotics do. In other words, the euphoria and satisfied sensation someone receives while taking drugs is the same sensation one receives when ingesting sugar. But not only that, it turns out that this sugar 'high' affects the same areas of the brain and produces the same feel good response as sex does. This is why addictions are hard to break because like drugs, the brain is tricked into unnatural feel good highs that one naturally feels when they experience sexual pleasure.
No wonder why we love chocolate so much! It's immediately satisfying. Chocolate does not ignore and chocolate performs to task! I do not mean to be so overtly obvious but ladies we could write our own book about sex on what we want, what we don't want, what we get and what we don't get. It seems that women are just 'different' and we are not 'turned on' in the same way a guy is. This much is obvious and this post is not intending to be a worldly sex education course on the subject, but while we are on the subject I'd like to discuss this issue a bit further because there's a reason why we turn to sugary products instead of putting Barry White music on in the background while turning the lights down low...
Most women do not like sex. (Oh speak for yourself you protest.) Okay let me rephrase that because I can't say that I totally dislike sex; I'm more dissatisfied with sex and I find it off putting, even more so now that I have had children... and even more NOW that I understand the words of scripture. Boy the words of God are going to cause men and some women to FLIP RIGHT OUT! But I can't say I don't like it. Most women like the lead up to it. We like the hand holding, the flirting, the smiling, and they guy playing with our hair. (I never had anyone play with my hair.) The romance shows that a guy actually IS interested. That he's willing to take the time to get to know your needs, what you like. It isn't about sex slavery, it's about being courteous and kind, offering yourself to someone in servitude is not to become anyone's subordinate. Women like giving back rubs and guys you'd be surprised to know this. To put your hands on your mans strong shoulders that are tense and you work out the stiffness because you CARE and don't want to see your guy in discomfort IS A BIG ISSUE. It's in a woman's caring nature to do this. It isn't mothering, it's called LOVE. Togetherness in this way is intimacy building.
To have a spouse arrive home and some how you KNOW that after dinner when the kids go to bed you have to PUT OUT not because you want to but because you feel it is your duty is just extremely demeaning to women (and men) and just because we are in relationships does not mean we are in relationships for sex exclusively. We are in relationships for companionship and partnerships first.
But the truth is, we women have our moments where we do crave it, or desire more. Those moments are hard to come by and I think men - well the majority- think the reason we seem to not like sex is we can't be bothered. For them it seems women have a lazy attitude towards sex and if we'd just get over that, and get into it, as much as our husbands or boyfriends do then intimacy wouldn't be a problem.
Intimacy is more than just sex and let me say this; I've earned this attitude with this knowledge. I am not griping or forgive my coarse talk; bitching. I am 43 years old, lost my virginity when I was 17 and have been sexually active until two years ago. I know TMI but the fact is, when I was 18 I was pregnant with my first child and 6 months later was pregnant with twin girls. 7 years after I was pregnant with my fourth child, my youngest daughter. I understand the needs of men all too well. Let me rephrase that; the needs of sexually active emotionally deprived men who were not taught sex education properly in their family home. I do not mean this to be negative; this is an IMPORTANT topic that as a mother I know it is my job to teach my children on how to treat people; with respect. That's where it starts and as adults we have used sex to manipulate, coherse and punish those we claim to love.
Two years ago after a second blow to my woman hood as my marriage was yet again threatened; I decided to look at scripture with a fine tooth comb on the subject of sex and marriage. The bible has A LOT to say about marriage and in today's society it has been blown way out of proportion. Sex and marriage go hand in hand but Sex should not rule the marriage; that is what my husband understands. Whoever taught him that sex makes the marriage? Society and sex educators have ran with this that women are to cater to the NEEDS of men. That is our sole purpose in life. If we do not clean ourselves up, stay fit and trim, and maintain our pretty then we risk losing our men to someone else. If that happens we only have ourselves to blame. WHAT THE H-E double hockey sticks???? Seriously??? No! The fact is putting make up on and curling and dying our hair to attract a male partner goes AGAINST NATURE.
When you look at the animal kingdom it is the males who have to court the women. It is the males who have to go through literally a song and or dance in order to win the attention of their female potentials. This was something my dear friend pointed out to me as she noted the male birds have to strut their stuff to get noticed as God made the males the colorful ones. Thank you Jujube! (Judy!)
The bible study about sex and marriage is interesting and I made a video. The first video is available and I hope to have the second part up soon. Please bear with me, I'm in Canada and our internet usage laws for wifi are sometimes defeating. UGH! But in the mean time if you have comments or suggestions, or questions, I'd like to discuss this because we women need to understand our role in the dynamic of marriage and as sexual creatures created by God to be HELP MATES and MOTHERS not SEXUAL KITTENS obedient to every man's fantasy.
We are all responsible for our sexual conduct. Just like over eating and indulgence is sinful, so too sexual conduct taken out of the context of biblical accuracy. Every one of us, men and women are to live a life of spiritual beings with the character of God and this is something most of us take for granted. Even the church; male leaders in particular are teaching that women have a marital duty to fulfil their role as wives to their husbands. This is a lie as our roles are not rooted in sexual conduct meant to serve the master. There's a reason why we are help mates and if you have not read the posts on this blog, please do so as God's word in HIS WORD; HEBREW is the INTENDED meaning of what HE deliberately said. There are not hidden meanings or innuendos and no guessing when it comes to what God really meant or intended.
We have seriously erred by taking intimacy out of the marriage and assuming that sex was meant to rule. Women have been led to believe that what a man wants a man should get and we try our best to oblige even at the risk of performing sexual acts that are against our comfortability or our better judgment. We have been led to believe that it is okay to allow men to do what they want at the threat of them leaving the family unit as men are told that their sexual prowess is the glue that holds families together. Society has done nothing more than to hijack God's creational mandate to hold women and men hostage as this ideology reaches cultish status.
Women are treated as sex objects in their own home and if they don't live up to the standards of their mate then he has every right to leave and forfeit his vows to live in life long commitment. This is not scriptural, but this is what is being promoted and it is wrong. Women need to understand the dynamics of our creation so that we can take back our power; our God given right of soverignty over our bodies in a way that allows us to conduct ourselves in wholesome and pleasing ways to God. When we live for sexuality, we are living for sin and we have been taught without batting a curly eyelash to cater to men's sin as we have been brainwashed into believing that we are not whole or complete without a man and in our marriages we are nothing as we are to alter who we are, change who we want to be to suit the desires of a man's heart. Let's not forget we are all born with sin nature, both men and women and men need to learn to live in self control just as women need to do.
Chocolate has never tasted better, and now that I am entering the years of that 'womanly mandated change' the desire for sex has dwindled. I've come a long way in self control as my history has been rooted in sex; pleasing men from an early age and now that I have had some experience with infidelity within the marriage, I know that the male ego is what we women are dealing with. The more I altered my life to suit God and not my husband, the separation between us began. I noticed a division and I noticed that our marriage wasn't right - right from the start, but I was willing to cater to my husband's needs, somewhat. I was willing to say 'yes' as I felt guilty saying ' no'. I convinced myself I enjoyed one sided sex. I convinced myself that I enjoyed pleasing my partners even at the expense of dejection and rejection. Even though I did my hair nails and make up to be more attractive I never received the recognition and I made excuses and continued to cater to the social norm that we women have been raised in. I lost myself. I lost who I used to be. I lost who God wanted me to be and I brought on a heaping pile of spiritual hurt on myself for the sake of taking on the ownership of my mate's sin that he is responsible for.
Please don't get me wrong, I don't hate men and I don't hate sex. That's not what this post is. I don't want to promote man hating. But this is a post about my own liberation in a way that is meant to help all of us women realize how society has lied to us to keep us from reaching our true potential. Once you realize your true potential as a woman, validation is radiant as it is encouraging as it is empowering. There is strength in understanding as understanding lends itself to healing. I realized I have been a victim of my circumstance by birth for so long and it feels good to finally shine and know who I am once and for all without anyone dictating or convincing me I am who I am based on who they think I am by cohersion or force.
Men are responsible for their sexual conduct just like women are. Women are not to be taken advantage of, and neither are men. Sex is addicting but sex was not created just for pleasure as the first part of this video will explain some important biblical facts to you.
The only thing that tastes better than oozing drizzling warm chocolate tantalizing your taste buds is the umami taste of freedom! Now that I know what freedom looks like I will abandon my bowl of chocolate and head for the hills, run in the sweet grassy meadows laden with flowers as I have discovered who I am redefined without the definition of sex hanging around my neck keeping me a slave to serve others in a way that degrades and devalues my worth. Suddenly male friendships have also taken on a different meaning as now I am free to choose who I want as a male partner as a friend, without the sexual attachment of having to perform to their standards. I am ME and I am who God made me and You my lady are a dynamic woman designed with great purpose.
( This commentary is not to cause you to dismantle your relationships. It is meant to help you to embrace your woman hood and independence while you transition yourself from living society's lies to living in God's truth.) Enjoy the videos.
Part two is finally posted: see below