The story of Judah's daughter-in-law is a story of mystery and intrigue. In depth bible study on this woman alone proves to be extremely valuable and detailed. From a male perspective Tamar resorted to prostitution, and deception in order to get what she wanted but that isn't really how the story goes. 

Judah was a man of promise, born of one of the sons that made up the tribe of Israel he shirked his responsibility in many ways as he wrestled with his own sin. Because of this, Judah failed those he was in charge with; his district, his sons, and even himself. Judah allowed his sons to live and adopt the Canaanite lifestyle as he also did the same. He married into the foreign clan and began to believe in superstition over the Law of God.  This ruler was lenient to the Law and shared a grief similar to King David. King David lost his first born son, and Judah lost not one but two sons. This pain was something he could relate to with Jacob his father. Perhaps he wrestled with the guilt of participating in the disappearance of his younger brother Jacob, Judah sank deeper into despair and sin. Perhaps it was easier for him to believe in superstition instead of acknowledging his wayward behavior and blamed an innocent woman for his two son's deaths.  His way of thinking is reminiscent of the garden of Eden when Adam refused to take responsibility for the sin he participated in even though Eve was the first to indulge.

It is human nature to retreat further into the heart of sin when we initially commit sins and this is what Judah did. He tried to appease his heart of all the grief he endured over the years and the death of his beloved wife was the last straw. Judah knew loss and death was no stranger to him,  by laying with someone he assumed was a prostitute Judah felt alive, and momentarily felt free and perhaps used the indiscretion to secretly carry on his name as the stranger woman would raise the child or sacrifice it to the Canaanite god.  Judah in his grief, was not thinking about anything but finding a way to endure his grief and for this reason he was not paying attention to details he blindly overlooked.

The discrete encounter momentarily helped but it only served to widen the chasm between himself and his faith along with his ability to govern Judah appropriately.  He blindly gave important items of worth that proved his rulership over to the stranger he had slept with and without the staff, the scepter and the two inch clay seal that was used as his signature on important documents, Judah had no authority. In fact his constant transgressions and his willingness to run away from his problems instead of facing them, admitting his wrong doing was almost his downfall.

His blindness would not allow him to see that God was working in the details, trying to call him back to become one with Israel again. It is no coincidence the house of Judah was divided; that his two sons did not adopt the ways of the Hebrew. It is also no coincidence that these two men died within Judah's lifetime. It is no coincidence that through Tamar, Judah's two sons that he lost were restored to him.  Uniting with a full Hebrew woman, would restore Judah and give him a Hebrew heir.  The so called transgression of Tamar is what brought Judah back to his senses as he turned back to the Lord. It took the faithful love of a Hebrew woman who loved God more than anything to turn Judah's life around. Tamer was not devious, she was not a scorned woman on the prowl for vindication. She was simply a woman who was willing to do what she had to do within the letter of the Law to see to it that she received her inheritance too.  Tamer was not wrong, and did not act in devious ways. She simply seized the opportunity to make right the wrong done to her through men who refused to follow God.

The male perspective of the Hebrew culture and modern teaching leads us to believe that women are not as worthy as men. It seems that Judah ruled over Tamer, and he did, but he did not silence her. She only complied to live as a widow because that was what she was to do in following Hebrew custom. She fufilled her end of the covenant, but Judah had no intention of fulfilling his end of the contract. Scripture does not share with us if Tamar argued with Judah, but regardless of what she felt or thought, she lived up to her name.

Tamar ( Pronounced Tay-mer) means 'Palm tree', and 'strength'. A tree is able to bend with the shifting wind and remain talk and strong producing fruit in its proper season regardless of the storm. For Tamar, had God allowed her to bare sons to her first or second husbands, the children would most likely would not have grown up in the Hebrew lifestyle. Their surroundings were influenced by Canaanite culture and these young sons no doubt would have married Canaanite women. This would have put an end to the Hebrew line of God's tribe of Judah.  Judah made a grave mistake when he took a Canaanite woman as Hebrew law prohibited intermarriage. Tamar was a Hebrewess, and she followed the Hebrew way of life. Just like Mary, the mother of Jesus, Tamar found favor with God.
With her blood line uniting with the blood line of Judah, God would restore His tribesman through the house of Judah as it is through one of the twin children born to Tamar and Judah, King David and King Jesus would reign.

Through the value of what it truly means to be a woman; Tamar was Judah's helpmeet. (see this link for further study. ) She lived up to the beauty of her name in more ways than one. She showed great courage and strength in adversity as her integrity remained a tree of authority, but she also owned her title as a 'woman' as she became the savior to save Judah from himself. Had Tamar not taken actions into her own hands, with the Lord's help, from what tribe would King Jesus have come?  Much respect and honor should go to this woman named Tamar.







Face it, you second guess yourself all the time. You also second guess situations and people quite frequently.  It isn’t that you are ‘soft’ and have a need to get along with every body; it is because you feel like maybe you are too harsh as everyone and everything deserves a chance.

This is a lovely sentiment, and it is quite true everyone does deserve a chance; a chance at happiness, a healthy friendship, a life of blessings, but not at your expense. It is hard to know where those healthy boundaries begin and end, especially if you don’t use them or have put them in place. Assertiveness is not hard, and it isn’t cruel. It is a way to love yourself so that you can love others.

Tanya lived in a quaint apartment complex and one day coming home from grocery shopping one of her bags broke spilling its contents into the apartment hall leading from the foyer. The hall way was dim, and the only light was from the main door and the reading lights over head. She scrambled to collect the items when a voice called out to her. ‘I got this one!’

The stranger made idle chit chat and proceeded to help Tanya without asking. It was a nice gesture but really not needed. “I got this, thank you.” Tanya said matter of factly. The stranger kept helping. Kneeling down to her level to help rearrange the bag and make a new make shift handle in the plastic he looked at her in the eye and said, ‘ Don’t worry, I don’t bite.’ Showing a big comforting smile.  

‘No really, I can manage.” Tanya said as she stood up. ‘I thank you for your help but I really have this under control.”  The stranger stood up with her and remained in eye contact with her, trying to work out his charm he said, ‘ I see you have this but I can help save you a trip from coming back down here to get these other things. What’s your floor? I’d be happy to help.” 

Tanya quick thinking instead of using her key to unlock the security door located the management call button and asked over the intercom. “Hi, it’s crystal, one of your tenants. I was wondering if you could come and escort me to my floor as I dropped my carrots.”

The young stranger took notice, and recalled that the woman with the spilled bag didn’t have any carrots. What was she playing at? Clearly this was not his sort of victim and he darted off right away before management arrived. What this stranger didn’t know was that Tanya was on her A-game. She had  safe words  in place to alert people she trusted in the building of danger and made arrangements with them that if she needed she could call upon their assistance.

Men and women are victimized every day and this commentary is not to make light of that victimization, but to help you become aware of your surroundings and people who try very hard at making us their victims.  We are all victims at one time or another of various circumstances; victims of fraud, sexual abuse, rape, robbery, extortion, bullying. The way a victimizer gets his in to victimize us is through us. We allow it to happen, unknowingly, but if we really give it some thought, the signs were there telling us to not let the boundary of trust go down.

Princess Tamar (Pronounced Tay-mer) of biblical antiquity was the daughter of King David. She was the child to his fourth wife who also had a son named Absolom.  Princess Tamar was doted on as every princess should be according to Hebrew custom. She was well protected, well guarded and always kept safe.  That is until the day her brother, someone whom she could trust plotted to do evil against her.

Prince Amnon, King David’s first son was heir to the royal throne. He had luxuries at his feet and never had a want for anything except for one prize possession of his father’s he could not have; his daughter, his half sister Taymer.  It was flaunted around daily that the princess was a virgin. The very fact of her lifestyle proved she was a virgin and this was Amnon’s thorn in his side. Was he jealous of all the attention she received? Was he jealous of her status in the royal family? Whatever the reason prince Amnon must have felt deep contempt with a sense of entitlement because scripture only shares with us that he loved his sister because she was a virgin.

“Amnon became frustrated to the point of illness on account of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.” 2 Samuel 13:3

From the clues in scripture we can see clearly that Tamar’s virginity is a tempting lure that Amnon could not live without. It could be inferred that he was known for laying with prostitutes who were cold and uncaring. A virgin was what Amnon desired because he desired genuine attentiveness, and needed to be caressed and cared for in a tender way without the brutal knowledge of what it’s like to sleep with a man multiple times over. In Taymer’s virginity existed an innocence that was soft and demure that clung to the character of a woman who had not been tainted by the act of sex as she held no curiosity to explore and desire other men.

Amnon could not seem to get Taymer alone as she was always with someone. That is until his uncle, David’s brother came up with a devious plan for Amnon to feign sickness and have the king send for his daughter to prepare a meal and nurse him back to health by feeding him as a mother would do.  Amnon didn't have to convince King David as the king sends word to Tamer to go and cook for his son.  When she arrived, she made some bread and tried to serve him what she prepared but he refused to eat.

Sending everyone out of his room, Tamer and Amnon were alone as he had always wanted. Then he ordered Tamer to bring the food to his bed where he makes his intentions extremely clear. After Amnon raped Tamer, his heart was not filled with remorse but instead filled with intense disdain and hatred for her.  She withheld her innocence from him as she did not treat him in love as he had hoped, but instead fought him and objected to his advances.

Were there warning signs to see this coming? Was there a way Tamer could have prevented her brother from raping her? Absolutely, violence can always be predicted because warning signs exist but we just choose to ignore them. 

Tamer lived a lifestyle of dependence. She depended on others to keep her safe. She put her value in relying on other people to do for her what she could and should have done for herself.  By taking a look of her brother’s behavioral patterns she would have been able to tell the difference between a brotherly love and his obsession with her. Perhaps she wasn’t around him enough to figure this out for herself and so she should have thought it odd that he asked for her help in nursing him back to health.  Tamar could have asked her dad to accompany her, or her mother, but because he was her brother she felt safe even though she may not have known her brother that well. Either way, the behavior pattern of Amnon could have been predicted.

What kind of man was he? How did he treat the king’s animals? How did he treat other women? How did he treat his own mother? Was he insolent and unruly? These things Tamar would have known at least from talking with other people. Tamar had an idea of what her brother was already like and chose not to trust what she already knew.

Her safety she put in the trust of other people and when they could not be there for her to keep her safe; she was unprotected as she had no knowledge or forethought on how to go about keeping herself safe.  She should have excused herself when her entourage left and taken the consequences later if there were any. If King David questioned her loyalties towards her brother she could have told him the truth to which her chaperones would have confirmed. Instead she chose to trust an untrustworthy person. Some how she knew her brother was not a kind and loving individual but she chose to ignore her inner voice, and the history of others who had dealings with Amnon and take a chance that she would greatly pay for later.

Above all the hidden clues that Tamer could have tapped into, the one often over looked essential built in protective barrier that she and all of us have is intuition. This connects us to the natural state of our environment; good or evil.  It is that simple and doesn’t need to be complicated.  Using our God given intuition enables us to do what we need to do before hand, during and after in order to keep ourselves safe, alive, alert and grounded to move forward and do what needs to be done.  Intuition is never wrong it is us who second guess it because human nature states we need proof of harm in order to find someone guilty.  It’s time we start listening to it- it’s better to be safe and deal with the rejection of others, than it is to find ourselves with life long regret and pain. Healthy boundaries are put in place for a reason. When you have them in place when someone steps over those boundaries, it gives you a chance to step back, through a word, an objection, your physical stance or your emotional well being. You are able to re-position those boundaries around yourself through insight,  intuition and God given wisdom that endeavors to keep you, His child safe.

If you need someone to talk to, all corrospondence is confidential. Contact me: srnityblu@gmail.com